Splitsville

I have several friends who are currently going through a tough time with their relationships. There seems to be a trend amongst my friends who got married and/or had children at a young age and how their relationships currently are working out... or not working out. My heart goes out to each of my friends who are experiencing this, regardless of where their location is in the world. And for those with children, my heart is with them.

At the same time, I am very frustrated with the lack of understanding that once you have children, they come first. Pain and sadness are overwhelming feelings. This I fully understand. A broken heart is very challenging because there is nothing anyone can do to mend it, the only thing there is, is time.

What I do not understand is why people use children to hurt others around them. Ultimately the decisions that parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles.... they all affect children. Every word we say, every thing we do directly affects the kids around us. If a mother talks badly about men then their children will in turn learn to say those same things about the male population. If a father decides to only be around when he so chooses and does not make parenting a priority, children may conclude that fathers do not have to be around and that men may leave whenever they want. If a parent chooses to yell every request they have for their children, then children learn to yell their requests and often times do not take yelling seriously when they should. If a parent tells a child to do something or (fill in blank here) but then does not follow through with said consequence....then a child learns that the parent is not going to do as they say. The more this happens, the less likely it is that the children are going to listen to the parent who isn't following through.

Cause and affect. It's pretty simple.

I am so sad for the children who are hearing that "mommy" is bad or "daddy" is bad. Or that someone new in the other parents life is "bad". I am sad that support isn't given to both parents and to the children who are observing (and hearing) everything going on around them and then figuring out how they feel about it and shaping their thoughts/feelings and behaviors around these things.

I could go on forever. I really wish people would get that once you have children, it isn't about you anymore. It's about them.