I can get a little sensitive at times when it comes to how people perceive foster care. It doesn't matter if the perceptions are about the legal guardians, foster parents, foster youth, social workers or the system.
Misrepresent any portion of it and I am going to get touchy.
And I will likely start throwing facts your way.
And I bet you won't know what hit you.
If you are a former foster youth and you can't see past your own nose: I am gonna get irritated.
If you try to bad mouth a good parent. Or continue the stereotypes placed on those in, around or supporting the system. I am gonna get mad.
If you are a former foster youth and cannot understand that your experience is YOUR experience and is only ONE PERSPECTIVE of your story. I am likely going to get mad.
Foster youth have enough struggles without having to fight against additional stereotypes and misrepresentations of those who have aged out of the system.
Your story is sad enough without you adding more sad to it.
Being a former foster child is NOT about who had it the worst.
Being a former foster child is NOT about getting pity.
Being a former foster child is just something that is.
It is just a fact. It just is.
What you do with that "fact" or that "is" is what matters.
Pity doesn't get you anywhere.
Having a harder story than someone else doesn't mean you suffered more or you hurt more. It means you hurt as much as you hurt and the next person hurt as much as they did.
Everybody hurts sometimes.
How they hurt is going to be different.
A social worker hurts. They hurt because of the long hours, the worry, the pressure, the constant stress and crisis situations. They hurt because of the lack of support, the blame and the inability to have good self-care because our system is SO broken no matter how hard they try they will fail something. And likely that something will end up failing a someone. And that someone could end up hurt for a lifetime.
And you know what? Social workers stay committed. They get up every morning. They find join in the silver linings. They continue to try to save everyone. Their bodies get sick over it. They lose time with their own families. They stay up all night. They sleep in the office. They get yelled at. They get blamed. They grow thick skin. They get name called. Spit at. Bit. Punched. Beaten. They don't hear the happy endings. They get SUED.
A foster parent hurts. Their home is a fish bowl. A million people telling them how to orgnaize and run their lives. How to parent. In a sea of amazing things they did: every one of those million people will tell them something they did wrong. They take physical beatings. Emotional beatings. Their home gets destroyed. Their car. Their dream vacations. Their time with their families. They get accused of things they never did. They sometimes make mistakes that are huge. They get investigated. They stay up all night. They lose sleep over worry. They love so strongly it hurts.
And you know what? They stay strong. They stay committed. They recruit others to join the army of parents fighting to give youth some kind of normal. They fight against the system. They stand in the face of criticism every day. They get beaten down by youth, adults, systems, other parents and THEY STAND STRONG. They open their door to new youth. They open their door to new challenges. They open their heart.
A foster child hurts. Their whole lives are controlled by system issues that are reactive instead of proactive and are organized based on money. What services can they receive? Lets see about money. What kind of normal child activities can they participate in? Lets see about money. How often do they get to see their social worker? Lets see about money. Can they stay in this home? Lets see about money. Can they visit biological family? LETS SEE ABOUT MONEY.
Tell me again why foster youth shouldn't view themselves as money symbols? Cause I sure can't figure out why that isn't apart of their identity.
A foster child hurts. Their families abandon them. Or they don't know how to make safe choices. Or they were never fit to be family to begin with and now they have to endure years and years of court dates, professionals and the newest parenting model paired with the newest "trauma informed" model. They hurt because they have no answers and they only get parts of answers from so many people their idea of what is happening in their life is so f***ed up they can't see straight.
Tell me again why foster youth should know better than to get into abusive relationships?
Tell me again why foster youth should know how to get a job? Ride a bike? Know about safe sex? Addiction? What safe feels like.
Everything about foster care hurts. Even leaving it. Even staying in it.
It all hurts.
So, if you are going to "educate" people, advocate for people or just simply TALK about foster care. Know something about it first. If you misrepresent it and I'm around..... you better believe you are going to get educated.
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