As I Sit Here

I want to grow up.

I want to be free.

I want nothing to do with your rules.

I want to do what I want when I want.

I want to be an adult.

I want to spend my money any way I desire.

I want.

When you are 16 years old and feel oppressed by parental and school rules. You want to do what you want to do and you are ENRAGED by having to listen to everyone else and you repeat:

I can't wait to grow up.

I can't wait to be free.

I can't waitt  to have nothing to do with your rules.

I can't wait to do what I want when I want.

I can't wait to be an adult.

I can't wait to spend my money any way I desire.

I. Can't. Wait.

The adults in your world know what it is like to be an adult.

The lost freedom.

Rules triple in comparison in every direction.

The lack of money.

The "man" sticking it to you.

The harder you work the more you feel behind.

The harder you feel the more you hurt.

The sudden realization of why everyone said "Enjoy your childhood; it ends too quickly".

The struggles.

And you remember the times you said:

I want to grow up.

I want to be free.

I want nothing to do with your rules.

I want to do what I want when I want.

I want to be an adult.

I want to spend my money any way I desire.

I want. I can't wait.

And the tougher times come the more you want to curl up in  your teenage bedroom and thank the heavens that there is someone, anyone, there to catch you when you've fallen.

To help pick you back up.

Or tell you that you to buck up.

Or give you the skills you to not make the same mistake twice.

Or maybe just that there is just someone else who is in charge of the "red tape" which comes along with growing up.

And suddenly you realize being grown up is not always so fun. There are so many responsibilities that sometimes they are just plain hard to keep track of or stay on top of.

And all those wants. They are still there. Just a little harder to reach. With work, bills, laundry, grocery shopping, errand running, doctor appointment setting, budgeting, house fixing, children raising, school meetings, birthday parties, anniversaries, holidays, deadlines, exercise, hobbies, eating right, animal taking care of......

And occasionally it becomes to much.

And occasionally you sit back and you think "Wow, look at how amazing I am. I should have a super hero cape."

So I sit here, drinking a Shock Top, thinking of all the people I have to think for catching me when I fell.

 For doing your best to pass on your wisdom.

 For your encouragement.

 For your love.

Your compassion.

Your "red tape" navigation.

Your sleepless nights.

Your welcoming arms.

Your swift kick in the butt.

You are the reason I stand strong in the face of adversity, challenges and when it feels like there is no hope left.

 I remember you.

And that gives me hope.

Thank you.