Change is in the air

Change is such a hard thing for people. At the same time, everyone wants change. People want to be thinner. To quit smoking. To be more active. To learn a craft. To start hiking. To read more. To spend more time with the family. To be more organized. To be exercise more. To quit drinking. To save money. To get out of debt.

For most people the want isn't strong enough for them to overcome the obstacles people face in regards to change. Results don't happen fast enough so people give up. This is really common in situations of losing weight (working out and dieting). People go to the gym or work out daily but don't see results fast enough so they quit. It obviously wasn't working to begin with right?

People are afraid of the unknown, so it's easier to stay with what they do know.  It's easier to stay in abusive relationships because they know what is coming verses leaving the relationship and not knowing what is to come. It is easier to stay in a job you are familiar with because the "what ifs" in a new job are too scary to face. What if you don't like it? What if you don't get along with your supervisor? What if you miss your old job? What if it's too hard?

People take on too much change at once and end up falling into their old habits because they can't keep up with all the changes or stress that may come with the changes. The best examples of this are new years revolutions. People who are going to "work out, eat healthy, quit smoking......" by February they aren't doing any of it because they took on too much.

People are creatures of habit. It takes 12 weeks to make your body and/or mind get used to something new. Before that, it is all actual effort to change your habits. Some changes take more work then others.

Generally people want change but lack the motivation to do the work it takes to change. It takes bravery and the ability to feel uncomfortable until the change becomes comfortable and routine.

It also takes motivation. Finding that motivation is not easy. This challenge is almost as bad as the change. And sometimes, it's even harder because as people get used to change, motivation changes!

So here's to my changes. I can't tell them all here just yet. However, I am doing the following:
1. One 8 oz glass of water for every soda
2. 1 hour of gym time 5 days a week
3. For every negative comment I tell myself, I will say one positive one
4. I will make an effort to let others know, I appreciate them
5. I will create a self-care plan and adjust it as needed

What will you do?

Rave

I have several friends who are either "in to" or "apart of" the rave scene in some way or another. This could mean that they host the events, are DJs, dancers, or close friends/relatives of the hosts/dj/dancer persons. These relationships I have with these people gives me an "in" to these events. I have never been to one before this past Friday.

Crowds are not my fave. I dislike people I do not know touching me or getting into my space. I find that my space bubble is much bigger than the average person and therefore am bothered by the amount of people who attend these events.

The drug scene.... this is not my style.  I don't really care what the "rave family" says about not  being on drugs or if they say you can be apart of this lifestyle without the drugs because I have yet to find one single person who ACTUALLY  lives and stands by that statement. I have no desire to hinder, stop, or slow down my brains ability to grow. I have way too many other things to do with my life then feel "good" for a short period of time while one to several drugs take over my body. Plus, I enjoy being in control. I'd rather chemicals not have control over me.

Walking to the venue were two of the go-go dancers. I understand that go-go dancers wear little clothing and this is part of their appeal and why they were in fact hired to dance at the event. What I do not understand, is why these dancers would walk down a street in a larger city--in said apperal with nothing covering them. Just a bra, panties and some fishnet stockings. I don't think girls "ask" for anything bad to happen to them, but I do think messages are sent with clothing, body language and verbal language.

I was easily over dressed compared to almost every girl there who apparently decided bras and panties or short shorts were the way to go. I was in jeans, a tank and a zip up hoodie. I also was lacking glow sticks, a light up pacifier, a kermit hat, mohawk and plastic beaded bracelets. 

My friends and I stood near the "bar" (an area above the dance floor, made of plywood). I would order PBR and it would take at least 5 minutes before receiving it. I should note, no one else would be at the bar before or after me, and the bartender was not doing anything. Just standing. The bar and/or observer area was for 21 and older folks. Who looked on the younger crowd and well, poked fun at them. Maybe this was mean but I'll tell you. That is some really interesting stuff to observe.

Before I end my rant that is obviously going no where and written very much in a notes taking way.... I should also say that there were two men over 45 who were there. OOOGLING at the young girls. Neither man looked at me twice, but they both creeped me out. And I am one to say, I don't get creeped out easy.


Will I go to a rave again? ya prob. To support my DJ friends and my host friends and for a family event (don't ask) but never just because the urge takes me there.

Parenting Techniques Rant

I teach foster parents how to therapeutically work with the youth that are placed in their home. The youth that are placed in these homes have emotional, behavioral and/or mental health issues. The funny thing is, for the most part, what I teach these parents are basic parenting skills. Many parents coming through take notes during my classes and make comments about how they are going to implement the techniques with their own children.

I have friends (and friends of friends) who have difficulties with their kiddos. I sometimes offer to give suggestions and/or teach them skills that will help them manage the behavioral issues they are having with their kids. Most of my personal friends will not accept any advice from me--there are two reasons for this: 1. I don't have children 2. their kids don't have "emotional, behavioral and/or mental health" issue--aka their kids are nothing like the "therapeutic" kids I work with.

Here's the deal. Structure, consistency, limits, natural and logical consequences work for ALL children. Positive parenting is an amazing tool. And getting these tools for free is a great deal (just check out the prices for parenting classes). In no way am I saying that I know all the answers because I don't. But I can actually help change kiddos behaviors and improve parenting skills.

Just like other things... people feel that its the youth who are having the problems and that the adults (themselves) aren't doing anything wrong. I have news both the kids AND the parents have to change their behaviors or it just won't work.

I am open to sharing my knowledge with others. Anyone who asks. I can't post a lot of what I know because some of it is not my training material to post.

Weight

I used to be so skinny you could count my ribs, see both hip bones most of the outlining bones in my body. I didn't like the way I looked. I knew I was too skinny. Later I was a good healthy weight. I liked the way I looked and I had a lot of confidence. I still thought I could lose some here and there.... tone up, but I didn't think I was fat and I didn't try to cover up. My junior year of college, I gained at least 60 pounds (and I'm pretty sure, that's being nice). I wore sweat pants and sweatshirts all the time. One day I went to put my jeans on and I got a big surprise. THEY DIDN'T FIT. I was so embarrassed but really was not in a place to make my self healthier. It took a long time but I finally lost 50 lbs. Only I did so in such an unhealthy way. I allowed myself to include someone in my life that created so much anxiety--that I was vomiting every time I put anything into my tummy. It did help me decrease the amount of calories I was consuming everyday when I started eating normally again. I gained all the weight back after I slumped into a big depression.  One day I decided that I wanted to fill good again. I began to workout. I went twice a day for 1.5 to 2 hours. I lost 40 lbs! Now I'd like to lose another 30lbs maybe even 40lbs. And I want to run a 5k for the first time. I want to be and feel healthy. It's really hard though because I used to be very fit and I exercise all the time. Comparing what I'm able to do now, with what I could do then--makes me feel helpless. Part of me wants to put pictures of me at my heaviest on the treadmill as I work out but I don't want anyone to see that picture! I am hoping that I can get into the habit of waking up early and going to the gym in the morning and then going again after work.

This is probably going to be something I'm going to write about often. It weighs heavy on my mind/heart and controls my mood frequently.  I know others feel this too. Maybe we can all support each other.

Foster Care....

I work with youth in foster care. Everyday I see two things happen: success and failure. I see youth make choices that help them improve their behaviors and make progress towards their goals. I see their self-esteem improve, I see them smile more and I see them start to believe that they CAN be successful! This is why I do what I do. I love to watch youth become better people. And I really enjoy seeing the foster parents believe that THEY influenced the youth. Getting foster parents to realize that every thing that they do influences the youth is a hard job. But getting them to realize they made a difference for the positive in a youth's life....that's even harder.

Then... there is the flip side. I watch youth make choices constantly that lead them down a hurtful and frustrating road. Then I watch as they say they don't understand why they can't be happy or why so much pain keeps coming into their lives. They just don't see that a lot of what is happening is because of the choices THEY are making. It is so frustrating to me. And it makes me feel so helpless. I wish that they would trust those of us that have been there. I MEAN COME ON.... I don't hide the fact that I was in foster care. I know what it's like to be bounced around, to have a crappy home life and a ton of abuse in my past. I also know what it's like to finally be "free" and standing at the road... listen to myself or listen to those around me who have been there. I was very lucky to choose to listen to the people who have been there. I wish others would do the same....