Perplexity

I have lived this life which perplexes me to the fullest extent. What life lessons which have been mapped out for me to learn do not seem easily recognizable nor attainable. Often I find myself examining various times in my life in an attempt to understand why what happened happened. So far, I have not been able to find an answer. Maybe there isn't one. Or maybe there is and it isn't my time to know it yet.

I was once told people experience hardships in the beginning of their life, in the middle of their life or at the end of their life but not generally all three parts of life. I wonder--have I experienced the hard part of life already? Am I doing it now? Or is it going to be worse later? Does it even matter?! I will live through it no matter what. I will learn from it regardless. Hopefully I will still impact others in a good way.

Perplexed am I. For certain.

Success or Failure?

Almost six months after my last post, I am here again. I think of this blog on a daily basis. I have a million ideas on what I should write, who it would appeal too and how I should do it. I just don't do it.

I am perplexed.

I have this deep rooted desire to write. Write all the time. I want to write a book one day. Another thing I think about often. I think about the chapters, who the characters would be and what I want the focus of the book to be. And then...I think to myself "If you can't even write a simple blog post--HOW are you going to write a whole book?!"

In many areas of my life I am learning about motivation. What keeps someone from completing something and what gets them to do it. So, you ask, what is my motivation to not blog everyday?

Failure. 

Not just any failure. 

EPIC FAILURE. 

The type of failure that leads to embarrassment and the deep desire that you wish you never wrote what you did. But that's not all: 

Success. 

Why this fear? 

What if I am so successful I have to choose between more than one thing I love?!

Oh sob sob you say. Cry about the possibility of being SUCCESSFUL! What is your problem? I hear your thoughts screaming from that brain of yours. Or are those my thoughts? It is likely those thoughts are my own. My own thoughts of humility of the fear of being successful. 

I wonder. Is this why I fail at building the body image I desire? Because I am afraid of success? Or is it failure? Or a twisted combination of the two? Is it easier to be unhappy with not completing goals, or is it easier to be happy after completing something? 

 I don't have any answers. All I know is that if I can stop debating on how to do something, I will actually do all those things I want to do.

What do you think? Does this seem like any kind of debate you have in your mind?

Couponing Thoughts from a Newbie

Couponing is hard. At least for me. I am horrible at math and here I am trying to figure out the best deals. Why didn't they teach this stuff in school?! Okay, better question: why didn't they teach this stuff in school in a way that was realistic to what people would use? I would have enjoyed tutoring and math class a LOT more.

Who knew that the check-out "beep" would be so frightening? Or havng a line behind you? Or that so many people judged couponers? Or that there were so many couponers?! And that you have to be at the store FIRST thing in order to get the good deals or people clear the shelves!

I am going to attempt to have a coupoing class. I figure I will open it up to the foster parents I work with and community members. Hopefully I won't make a fool of myself trying to teach others how to do math. I do have a pretty good grasp on the concept of couponing and all the ways you can save money. I have even applied it pretty well. Now, if I can just stay on top of it.

Two things on my couponing to-do list: gather a list of places that have newspaper recycle bins (so I can get free coupons!) and a list of "needs" from a few community places that need items for their clients.

What kind of successes have you had with couponing? How do you feel about it?

Stay tuned for more couponing updates!

New Years Resolutions or......

I have been avoiding making a New Years resolution because I never finish them. Then I read a blog that gave other suggestions. One was coming up with a daily resolution. Another was a monthly one. I kind of like the idea of having a monthly resolution. This way, I have a goal that is just 30 days at a time.  People tend to take on too much at a time or they don't have the motivation to complete their resolution for the entire year. I don't know, for me it seems like monthly goals are so much better. At least for me.

So my first month's resolution is to figure out what school I want to attend and apply to it. I have narrowed it down to two. Walden University's of Mental Health Counseling or University of North Dakota online Masters of Social Work program.

The question is, do I apply for Walden (rolling enrollment) and see if I get in and if I don't apply for UND (application due June 1). The reason I wouldn't just apply to both is becuase I can only apply for my scholarship for ONE school. So, if I apply for Walden and UND but then apply for the scholarship for UND only I won't be able to apply the scholarship to Walden if that is where I attend. So what is the best option?! I don't know!

I won't lie--I also had a goal regarding budgeting. I have a clear budget and have started to stick with it. I'm excited about keeping this one not just for the year, but forever.

After I make this decision I have to figure out February's resolution! Stay tuned.

What do you think of this idea? Monthly Resolutions?