I can get a little sensitive at times when it comes to how people perceive foster care. It doesn't matter if the perceptions are about the legal guardians, foster parents, foster youth, social workers or the system.
Misrepresent any portion of it and I am going to get touchy.
And I will likely start throwing facts your way.
And I bet you won't know what hit you.
If you are a former foster youth and you can't see past your own nose: I am gonna get irritated.
If you try to bad mouth a good parent. Or continue the stereotypes placed on those in, around or supporting the system. I am gonna get mad.
If you are a former foster youth and cannot understand that your experience is YOUR experience and is only ONE PERSPECTIVE of your story. I am likely going to get mad.
Foster youth have enough struggles without having to fight against additional stereotypes and misrepresentations of those who have aged out of the system.
Your story is sad enough without you adding more sad to it.
Being a former foster child is NOT about who had it the worst.
Being a former foster child is NOT about getting pity.
Being a former foster child is just something that is.
It is just a fact. It just is.
What you do with that "fact" or that "is" is what matters.
Pity doesn't get you anywhere.
Having a harder story than someone else doesn't mean you suffered more or you hurt more. It means you hurt as much as you hurt and the next person hurt as much as they did.
Everybody hurts sometimes.
How they hurt is going to be different.
A social worker hurts. They hurt because of the long hours, the worry, the pressure, the constant stress and crisis situations. They hurt because of the lack of support, the blame and the inability to have good self-care because our system is SO broken no matter how hard they try they will fail something. And likely that something will end up failing a someone. And that someone could end up hurt for a lifetime.
And you know what? Social workers stay committed. They get up every morning. They find join in the silver linings. They continue to try to save everyone. Their bodies get sick over it. They lose time with their own families. They stay up all night. They sleep in the office. They get yelled at. They get blamed. They grow thick skin. They get name called. Spit at. Bit. Punched. Beaten. They don't hear the happy endings. They get SUED.
A foster parent hurts. Their home is a fish bowl. A million people telling them how to orgnaize and run their lives. How to parent. In a sea of amazing things they did: every one of those million people will tell them something they did wrong. They take physical beatings. Emotional beatings. Their home gets destroyed. Their car. Their dream vacations. Their time with their families. They get accused of things they never did. They sometimes make mistakes that are huge. They get investigated. They stay up all night. They lose sleep over worry. They love so strongly it hurts.
And you know what? They stay strong. They stay committed. They recruit others to join the army of parents fighting to give youth some kind of normal. They fight against the system. They stand in the face of criticism every day. They get beaten down by youth, adults, systems, other parents and THEY STAND STRONG. They open their door to new youth. They open their door to new challenges. They open their heart.
A foster child hurts. Their whole lives are controlled by system issues that are reactive instead of proactive and are organized based on money. What services can they receive? Lets see about money. What kind of normal child activities can they participate in? Lets see about money. How often do they get to see their social worker? Lets see about money. Can they stay in this home? Lets see about money. Can they visit biological family? LETS SEE ABOUT MONEY.
Tell me again why foster youth shouldn't view themselves as money symbols? Cause I sure can't figure out why that isn't apart of their identity.
A foster child hurts. Their families abandon them. Or they don't know how to make safe choices. Or they were never fit to be family to begin with and now they have to endure years and years of court dates, professionals and the newest parenting model paired with the newest "trauma informed" model. They hurt because they have no answers and they only get parts of answers from so many people their idea of what is happening in their life is so f***ed up they can't see straight.
Tell me again why foster youth should know better than to get into abusive relationships?
Tell me again why foster youth should know how to get a job? Ride a bike? Know about safe sex? Addiction? What safe feels like.
Everything about foster care hurts. Even leaving it. Even staying in it.
It all hurts.
So, if you are going to "educate" people, advocate for people or just simply TALK about foster care. Know something about it first. If you misrepresent it and I'm around..... you better believe you are going to get educated.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Too Sensitive, Eh?
Today there are about 16,000 articles and even more opinions on this Phil Robertson interview. In the interview Phil gave his opinion about persons in the LGBTQ community. In case you are unaware of what he said he is not supportive of anyone who is gay. He somehow combined gay, bestiality, promiscuity, sin, and threw in some added opinions on how African-American's felt before they got their rights.
Mid-morning I was told I was "overly sensitive to comments made about the LGBTQ community". I was also told to "ignore comments about my chosen lifestyle".
At first I was very calm about this. In fact in the first few hours I didn't think twice about these comments brushing them off as ignorant. Uneducated. Sad.
Later, I became angry. So very angry. And here is why:
When I'm in an elevator with my girlfriend and we are holding hands and it stops to let someone on. We immediately let go and take a small step away from each other.
When we go to a bar where we are unsure if the people in it are gay-friendly we sit apart, show no affection and talk like we are roommates. Sometimes we high-five.
When we are at a fair with our son we don't explain that we are both mom's to him. We let people assume I'm a friend or relative just hanging out for fun.
Our son has heard SO MUCH "One Man One Woman" that he is insanely confused. He doesn't know what is okay and what isn't. We have to explain why he has two moms and why other people say one man one women. We have listen while he says he loves having two moms but hates that others treat him different because of it.
This is just some of it. I want people to read this post so I won't keep listing it.
When we are in public we get to hear:
"Well at least he isn't gay!"
"It could be worse you could be embarrassed because he/she is gay"
"That's so gay" (and not in a good "hey converse is worn by lots of gay people" kind of way)
"F****t"
"why do gay people have to rub it in our faces?!"
"It is so stupid we have to listen to anyone talk about gay rights. If they want to be equal stop talking about it"
Again this is just a few things we hear EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Well let me tell you a few things.
Phil Robertson is welcome to his opinion. He has the right to think any way he wants about any subject. A&E has the right to say Phil cannot be on the show THEY fund because Phil made comments which clash with where A&E stands.
They BOTH have the right to their opinions and how they react when faced with sharing their opinions.
A&E can use this as an opportunity to educate the public on how to react to others when opinions clash. However, they are choosing to just go straight to the consequence of suspending him off of their show. THIS IS THEIR RIGHT as a company who FUNDS the DD show. They have chosen to back him on some of his beliefs they wanted off of their show but they said alright Phil keep it and we will continue to fund your show.
I am not being overly sensitive when it comes to anything which directly effects my life. I am not being overly sensitive that people think being gay means I am on the fast track to sex with animals.
PS I have 4 and I do not have sex with any of them. Nor do I plan to and I think it is gross.
I am not being overly sensitive when I am told I should die because I am a gay parent.
I am not being overly sensitive when I am being told I should be locked up in a concentration camp.
I am not being overly sensitive when people close to me say "You being gay impacts my life negatively this way but I guess I have to deal with it"
I am not being overly sensitive when a person, such as Phil Robertson, who I respected makes comments which are against who I am as a person.
I'm not being overly sensitive when people say "Why do you need marriage we already give you commitment ceremonies"
In fact I am being too calm. And not sensitive enough. But today I may have been pushed over the age because right now I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN SWEARING AT THE PEOPLE WHO JUST DON'T GET IT.
You want to choose something to be mad about? Why is it this weird idea that Phil is unable to use free speech instead of how many other million things that actually impact people on a daily basis?
Let me tell you something else.
Phil used his free speech. And he can continue to do so. Just not on A&E at this time. I bet he will find plenty of venues to share his opinions. On African-American's, immigrants, gays, and his very own interpretation of Christianity. Just not on A&E right now.
Stop being pissy about one man's uneducated, old school opinions not being welcomed on a network which accepts LGBTQ rights and other forward moving rights and start being pissy about things that are important.
PS Don't fucking tell me I'm being overly sensitive when this is my fucking life you are talking about you stupid ass ignorant people.
Mid-morning I was told I was "overly sensitive to comments made about the LGBTQ community". I was also told to "ignore comments about my chosen lifestyle".
At first I was very calm about this. In fact in the first few hours I didn't think twice about these comments brushing them off as ignorant. Uneducated. Sad.
Later, I became angry. So very angry. And here is why:
When I'm in an elevator with my girlfriend and we are holding hands and it stops to let someone on. We immediately let go and take a small step away from each other.
When we go to a bar where we are unsure if the people in it are gay-friendly we sit apart, show no affection and talk like we are roommates. Sometimes we high-five.
When we are at a fair with our son we don't explain that we are both mom's to him. We let people assume I'm a friend or relative just hanging out for fun.
Our son has heard SO MUCH "One Man One Woman" that he is insanely confused. He doesn't know what is okay and what isn't. We have to explain why he has two moms and why other people say one man one women. We have listen while he says he loves having two moms but hates that others treat him different because of it.
This is just some of it. I want people to read this post so I won't keep listing it.
When we are in public we get to hear:
"Well at least he isn't gay!"
"It could be worse you could be embarrassed because he/she is gay"
"That's so gay" (and not in a good "hey converse is worn by lots of gay people" kind of way)
"F****t"
"why do gay people have to rub it in our faces?!"
"It is so stupid we have to listen to anyone talk about gay rights. If they want to be equal stop talking about it"
Again this is just a few things we hear EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Well let me tell you a few things.
Phil Robertson is welcome to his opinion. He has the right to think any way he wants about any subject. A&E has the right to say Phil cannot be on the show THEY fund because Phil made comments which clash with where A&E stands.
They BOTH have the right to their opinions and how they react when faced with sharing their opinions.
A&E can use this as an opportunity to educate the public on how to react to others when opinions clash. However, they are choosing to just go straight to the consequence of suspending him off of their show. THIS IS THEIR RIGHT as a company who FUNDS the DD show. They have chosen to back him on some of his beliefs they wanted off of their show but they said alright Phil keep it and we will continue to fund your show.
I am not being overly sensitive when it comes to anything which directly effects my life. I am not being overly sensitive that people think being gay means I am on the fast track to sex with animals.
PS I have 4 and I do not have sex with any of them. Nor do I plan to and I think it is gross.
I am not being overly sensitive when I am told I should die because I am a gay parent.
I am not being overly sensitive when I am being told I should be locked up in a concentration camp.
I am not being overly sensitive when people close to me say "You being gay impacts my life negatively this way but I guess I have to deal with it"
I am not being overly sensitive when a person, such as Phil Robertson, who I respected makes comments which are against who I am as a person.
I'm not being overly sensitive when people say "Why do you need marriage we already give you commitment ceremonies"
In fact I am being too calm. And not sensitive enough. But today I may have been pushed over the age because right now I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN SWEARING AT THE PEOPLE WHO JUST DON'T GET IT.
You want to choose something to be mad about? Why is it this weird idea that Phil is unable to use free speech instead of how many other million things that actually impact people on a daily basis?
Let me tell you something else.
Phil used his free speech. And he can continue to do so. Just not on A&E at this time. I bet he will find plenty of venues to share his opinions. On African-American's, immigrants, gays, and his very own interpretation of Christianity. Just not on A&E right now.
Stop being pissy about one man's uneducated, old school opinions not being welcomed on a network which accepts LGBTQ rights and other forward moving rights and start being pissy about things that are important.
PS Don't fucking tell me I'm being overly sensitive when this is my fucking life you are talking about you stupid ass ignorant people.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Like Violence? I Don't.
There is something about me many of you do not know. Some of you do. Anyone who watches television or movies with me may or may not know this about me. I feel so strongly with this fact that I feel it in my veins.
Violence in television and movies makes me sick. I cannot for the life of me understand why there needs to be any form of torture in forms of entertainment.
Why is beating, raping, shooting, stabbing, or any form of harm to a person entertaining? Is there not enough pain in the world?! Are people not hurt enough that we have to entertain ourselves by watching it too?
Is it not enough to know violence is everywhere around us? We not only watch it in movies and in television shows but we get to see all sorts of it on the news.
Why do we not watch happy things? What is wrong with hearing about a love story? Or a child who has their wish come true? Knowing the difference someone is making in the community or animals that were rescued?
WHY IS VIOLENCE SO IMPORTANT TO EVERYONE?!
I admit I likely feel so strongly about this because I hear tragic stories on a daily basis. I am very aware of how humans are able to hurt others both on purpose and unknowingly. I see how it impacts people and what struggles they have due to their trauma.
I'm not made for watching violence. I feel the pain and I see how it will impact the people who experience it. It makes me sad. I physically hurt. And in some cases I cry.
Less violence and more goodness. Is that way too much to ask for?
Violence in television and movies makes me sick. I cannot for the life of me understand why there needs to be any form of torture in forms of entertainment.
Why is beating, raping, shooting, stabbing, or any form of harm to a person entertaining? Is there not enough pain in the world?! Are people not hurt enough that we have to entertain ourselves by watching it too?
Is it not enough to know violence is everywhere around us? We not only watch it in movies and in television shows but we get to see all sorts of it on the news.
Why do we not watch happy things? What is wrong with hearing about a love story? Or a child who has their wish come true? Knowing the difference someone is making in the community or animals that were rescued?
WHY IS VIOLENCE SO IMPORTANT TO EVERYONE?!
I admit I likely feel so strongly about this because I hear tragic stories on a daily basis. I am very aware of how humans are able to hurt others both on purpose and unknowingly. I see how it impacts people and what struggles they have due to their trauma.
I'm not made for watching violence. I feel the pain and I see how it will impact the people who experience it. It makes me sad. I physically hurt. And in some cases I cry.
Less violence and more goodness. Is that way too much to ask for?
Thursday, May 9, 2013
As I Sit Here
I want to grow up.
I want to be free.
I want nothing to do with your rules.
I want to do what I want when I want.
I want to be an adult.
I want to spend my money any way I desire.
I want.
When you are 16 years old and feel oppressed by parental and school rules. You want to do what you want to do and you are ENRAGED by having to listen to everyone else and you repeat:
I can't wait to grow up.
I can't wait to be free.
I can't waitt to have nothing to do with your rules.
I can't wait to do what I want when I want.
I can't wait to be an adult.
I can't wait to spend my money any way I desire.
I. Can't. Wait.
The adults in your world know what it is like to be an adult.
The lost freedom.
Rules triple in comparison in every direction.
The lack of money.
The "man" sticking it to you.
The harder you work the more you feel behind.
The harder you feel the more you hurt.
The sudden realization of why everyone said "Enjoy your childhood; it ends too quickly".
The struggles.
And you remember the times you said:
I want to grow up.
I want to be free.
I want nothing to do with your rules.
I want to do what I want when I want.
I want to be an adult.
I want to spend my money any way I desire.
I want. I can't wait.
And the tougher times come the more you want to curl up in your teenage bedroom and thank the heavens that there is someone, anyone, there to catch you when you've fallen.
To help pick you back up.
Or tell you that you to buck up.
Or give you the skills you to not make the same mistake twice.
Or maybe just that there is just someone else who is in charge of the "red tape" which comes along with growing up.
And suddenly you realize being grown up is not always so fun. There are so many responsibilities that sometimes they are just plain hard to keep track of or stay on top of.
And all those wants. They are still there. Just a little harder to reach. With work, bills, laundry, grocery shopping, errand running, doctor appointment setting, budgeting, house fixing, children raising, school meetings, birthday parties, anniversaries, holidays, deadlines, exercise, hobbies, eating right, animal taking care of......
And occasionally it becomes to much.
And occasionally you sit back and you think "Wow, look at how amazing I am. I should have a super hero cape."
So I sit here, drinking a Shock Top, thinking of all the people I have to think for catching me when I fell.
For doing your best to pass on your wisdom.
For your encouragement.
For your love.
Your compassion.
Your "red tape" navigation.
Your sleepless nights.
Your welcoming arms.
Your swift kick in the butt.
You are the reason I stand strong in the face of adversity, challenges and when it feels like there is no hope left.
I remember you.
And that gives me hope.
Thank you.
I want to be free.
I want nothing to do with your rules.
I want to do what I want when I want.
I want to be an adult.
I want to spend my money any way I desire.
I want.
When you are 16 years old and feel oppressed by parental and school rules. You want to do what you want to do and you are ENRAGED by having to listen to everyone else and you repeat:
I can't wait to grow up.
I can't wait to be free.
I can't waitt to have nothing to do with your rules.
I can't wait to do what I want when I want.
I can't wait to be an adult.
I can't wait to spend my money any way I desire.
I. Can't. Wait.
The adults in your world know what it is like to be an adult.
The lost freedom.
Rules triple in comparison in every direction.
The lack of money.
The "man" sticking it to you.
The harder you work the more you feel behind.
The harder you feel the more you hurt.
The sudden realization of why everyone said "Enjoy your childhood; it ends too quickly".
The struggles.
And you remember the times you said:
I want to grow up.
I want to be free.
I want nothing to do with your rules.
I want to do what I want when I want.
I want to be an adult.
I want to spend my money any way I desire.
I want. I can't wait.
And the tougher times come the more you want to curl up in your teenage bedroom and thank the heavens that there is someone, anyone, there to catch you when you've fallen.
To help pick you back up.
Or tell you that you to buck up.
Or give you the skills you to not make the same mistake twice.
Or maybe just that there is just someone else who is in charge of the "red tape" which comes along with growing up.
And suddenly you realize being grown up is not always so fun. There are so many responsibilities that sometimes they are just plain hard to keep track of or stay on top of.
And all those wants. They are still there. Just a little harder to reach. With work, bills, laundry, grocery shopping, errand running, doctor appointment setting, budgeting, house fixing, children raising, school meetings, birthday parties, anniversaries, holidays, deadlines, exercise, hobbies, eating right, animal taking care of......
And occasionally it becomes to much.
And occasionally you sit back and you think "Wow, look at how amazing I am. I should have a super hero cape."
So I sit here, drinking a Shock Top, thinking of all the people I have to think for catching me when I fell.
For doing your best to pass on your wisdom.
For your encouragement.
For your love.
Your compassion.
Your "red tape" navigation.
Your sleepless nights.
Your welcoming arms.
Your swift kick in the butt.
You are the reason I stand strong in the face of adversity, challenges and when it feels like there is no hope left.
I remember you.
And that gives me hope.
Thank you.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Perplexity
I have lived this life which perplexes me to the fullest extent. What life lessons which have been mapped out for me to learn do not seem easily recognizable nor attainable. Often I find myself examining various times in my life in an attempt to understand why what happened happened. So far, I have not been able to find an answer. Maybe there isn't one. Or maybe there is and it isn't my time to know it yet.
I was once told people experience hardships in the beginning of their life, in the middle of their life or at the end of their life but not generally all three parts of life. I wonder--have I experienced the hard part of life already? Am I doing it now? Or is it going to be worse later? Does it even matter?! I will live through it no matter what. I will learn from it regardless. Hopefully I will still impact others in a good way.
Perplexed am I. For certain.
I was once told people experience hardships in the beginning of their life, in the middle of their life or at the end of their life but not generally all three parts of life. I wonder--have I experienced the hard part of life already? Am I doing it now? Or is it going to be worse later? Does it even matter?! I will live through it no matter what. I will learn from it regardless. Hopefully I will still impact others in a good way.
Perplexed am I. For certain.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Success or Failure?
Almost six months after my last post, I am here again. I think of this blog on a daily basis. I have a million ideas on what I should write, who it would appeal too and how I should do it. I just don't do it.
I am perplexed.
I have this deep rooted desire to write. Write all the time. I want to write a book one day. Another thing I think about often. I think about the chapters, who the characters would be and what I want the focus of the book to be. And then...I think to myself "If you can't even write a simple blog post--HOW are you going to write a whole book?!"
In many areas of my life I am learning about motivation. What keeps someone from completing something and what gets them to do it. So, you ask, what is my motivation to not blog everyday?
I am perplexed.
I have this deep rooted desire to write. Write all the time. I want to write a book one day. Another thing I think about often. I think about the chapters, who the characters would be and what I want the focus of the book to be. And then...I think to myself "If you can't even write a simple blog post--HOW are you going to write a whole book?!"
In many areas of my life I am learning about motivation. What keeps someone from completing something and what gets them to do it. So, you ask, what is my motivation to not blog everyday?
Failure.
Not just any failure.
EPIC FAILURE.
The type of failure that leads to embarrassment and the deep desire that you wish you never wrote what you did. But that's not all:
Success.
Why this fear?
What if I am so successful I have to choose between more than one thing I love?!
Oh sob sob you say. Cry about the possibility of being SUCCESSFUL! What is your problem? I hear your thoughts screaming from that brain of yours. Or are those my thoughts? It is likely those thoughts are my own. My own thoughts of humility of the fear of being successful.
I wonder. Is this why I fail at building the body image I desire? Because I am afraid of success? Or is it failure? Or a twisted combination of the two? Is it easier to be unhappy with not completing goals, or is it easier to be happy after completing something?
I don't have any answers. All I know is that if I can stop debating on how to do something, I will actually do all those things I want to do.
What do you think? Does this seem like any kind of debate you have in your mind?
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Couponing Thoughts from a Newbie
Couponing is hard. At least for me. I am horrible at math and here I am
trying to figure out the best deals. Why didn't they teach this stuff in
school?! Okay, better question: why didn't they teach this stuff in
school in a way that was realistic to what people would use? I would
have enjoyed tutoring and math class a LOT more.
Who knew that the check-out "beep" would be so frightening? Or havng a line behind you? Or that so many people judged couponers? Or that there were so many couponers?! And that you have to be at the store FIRST thing in order to get the good deals or people clear the shelves!
I am going to attempt to have a coupoing class. I figure I will open it up to the foster parents I work with and community members. Hopefully I won't make a fool of myself trying to teach others how to do math. I do have a pretty good grasp on the concept of couponing and all the ways you can save money. I have even applied it pretty well. Now, if I can just stay on top of it.
Two things on my couponing to-do list: gather a list of places that have newspaper recycle bins (so I can get free coupons!) and a list of "needs" from a few community places that need items for their clients.
What kind of successes have you had with couponing? How do you feel about it?
Stay tuned for more couponing updates!
Who knew that the check-out "beep" would be so frightening? Or havng a line behind you? Or that so many people judged couponers? Or that there were so many couponers?! And that you have to be at the store FIRST thing in order to get the good deals or people clear the shelves!
I am going to attempt to have a coupoing class. I figure I will open it up to the foster parents I work with and community members. Hopefully I won't make a fool of myself trying to teach others how to do math. I do have a pretty good grasp on the concept of couponing and all the ways you can save money. I have even applied it pretty well. Now, if I can just stay on top of it.
Two things on my couponing to-do list: gather a list of places that have newspaper recycle bins (so I can get free coupons!) and a list of "needs" from a few community places that need items for their clients.
What kind of successes have you had with couponing? How do you feel about it?
Stay tuned for more couponing updates!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
New Years Resolutions or......
I have been avoiding making a New Years resolution because I never finish them. Then I read a blog that gave other suggestions. One was coming up with a daily resolution. Another was a monthly one. I kind of like the idea of having a monthly resolution. This way, I have a goal that is just 30 days at a time. People tend to take on too much at a time or they don't have the motivation to complete their resolution for the entire year. I don't know, for me it seems like monthly goals are so much better. At least for me.
So my first month's resolution is to figure out what school I want to attend and apply to it. I have narrowed it down to two. Walden University's of Mental Health Counseling or University of North Dakota online Masters of Social Work program.
The question is, do I apply for Walden (rolling enrollment) and see if I get in and if I don't apply for UND (application due June 1). The reason I wouldn't just apply to both is becuase I can only apply for my scholarship for ONE school. So, if I apply for Walden and UND but then apply for the scholarship for UND only I won't be able to apply the scholarship to Walden if that is where I attend. So what is the best option?! I don't know!
I won't lie--I also had a goal regarding budgeting. I have a clear budget and have started to stick with it. I'm excited about keeping this one not just for the year, but forever.
After I make this decision I have to figure out February's resolution! Stay tuned.
What do you think of this idea? Monthly Resolutions?
So my first month's resolution is to figure out what school I want to attend and apply to it. I have narrowed it down to two. Walden University's of Mental Health Counseling or University of North Dakota online Masters of Social Work program.
The question is, do I apply for Walden (rolling enrollment) and see if I get in and if I don't apply for UND (application due June 1). The reason I wouldn't just apply to both is becuase I can only apply for my scholarship for ONE school. So, if I apply for Walden and UND but then apply for the scholarship for UND only I won't be able to apply the scholarship to Walden if that is where I attend. So what is the best option?! I don't know!
I won't lie--I also had a goal regarding budgeting. I have a clear budget and have started to stick with it. I'm excited about keeping this one not just for the year, but forever.
After I make this decision I have to figure out February's resolution! Stay tuned.
What do you think of this idea? Monthly Resolutions?
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Thankful
For several months I've been thinking about how I am thankful to have experienced little homophobia. I haven't had to listen to many say hateful remarks nor have I felt like I was in danger for being gay. My friends and family have been open and accepting (with the exception of two who are waiting for me to "see the light").
My heart aches for those who do have to listen to horrible comments or less than supporive opinions about the "gay lifestyle". I sometimes feel like it isn't fair, and that I should help other gays carry the burden of gay hate.
I feel sad that I have to explain to some, that my "way of life" and "chosen" path make others uncomfortable. I need to be aware of situations where persons might be uncomfortable and change my behavior accordingly. Some tell me I shouldn't have to change my behavior. But I can't help but feel that if I expect them to be respectful and tolerate me and my partner'as "way" that I should be respectful and tolerate that they would prefer I do not act like a romantic partner with my girlfriend.
It is funny, I experience more rejection from the gay community then the straight. At least until they realize I really am gay and not just hating men for the moment.
I read another blog called Single Dad Laughing. He wrote this post I encourage you all to read and share. There are follow up posts to this one, I encourage you to read those too. This one is called "I'm Christian, unless your gay."
http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html
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Sunday, November 6, 2011
Being Thankful
I was walking with Stacey and Spencer to his elementary school for the Book Fair he was very excited for when I looked to my left and I saw this house with the garage door open. I won't lie, I LOVE looking at garage doors opened. Mainly because I like to see how people organize them to get ideas. Also to be insanely jealous if they have the washer/dryer I want (and if it's in the right color--I turn green with envy!). This particular garage gave me a reaction I haven't had yet.
The garage looked like this and:
had a shoe rack like this (only wider, taller and FULL):
If you were in my head this is what you would have heard:
Wow. They have a lot of shoes. That's a very creative way of organizing them. I think the guy has more than the female. I wonder if they have to take their shoes off before entering their house. I wonder how many more shoes they have inside! Do they wear them all? I wonder if they realize how lucky they are to have all those shoes. There are people in this world that don't have ONE pair. I have a lot of shoes. I can't believe I think I need more.
Please note, those thought started when I saw the garage and ended once I passed the garage. However, this whole thought process has stuck with me (I think the book fair was October 6). I can't get it out of my head. I even have a "post-it" on my phone that says "Shoe garage" so I can write more notes about my thoughts on it. I'm not sure why I would do that or what use it would be for. But I am compelled to keep it there.
This garage got me thinking about what I read on Facebook, what I hear every day from friends/family/co-worker, strangers, and even myself sometimes. A lot of complaining about what we DON'T have. There is very little talk about what we do have and what we can and should be thankful for.
When I'm having a terrible, no good, awful day. I go through my head and list off all the things I am thankful for. This list can even include having all my fingers, toes, sense of smell, vision, the ability to see color.... It helps me put things into perspective. I have even gone so far as to remind myself, I could be someone who was in a major natural disaster, even closer to 9/11 than I actually was, or in the middle of war.
I have so many things I didn't have before and many things people around me do not have.
I have a bed to sleep on. Once, when I was real little, I slept on plastic black garbage bags (the ones with the yellow ties) filled with clothes.
I have a shower to get into everyday.
I have several outfits to choose from--even if I am having a "fat" day.
I have friends and family who stick by me through anything.
I have an amazing girlfriend and son who I get to spend time with every single day.
I have people to cook for.
I have amazing co-workers who strive every day to make a difference--even with aspects that are less than thrilling.
I have hope that surrounds me, every single day.
I have the ability to live my life as an openly gay woman and not have to worry (although, sometimes I do depending on where I am--but not like it used to be for some and not like it is in some countries).
This is such a short list.
I forgot the one that got me to write this blog. I have shoes. Two over the door hanger shoe racks that hold 14 each and an blue IKEA bag FULL of others.
I am thankful. Even when I look or feel like there is nothing to be thankful for. I know I just have to look around me and my half empty glass will be half full.
What's your glass?
The garage looked like this and:
had a shoe rack like this (only wider, taller and FULL):
If you were in my head this is what you would have heard:
Wow. They have a lot of shoes. That's a very creative way of organizing them. I think the guy has more than the female. I wonder if they have to take their shoes off before entering their house. I wonder how many more shoes they have inside! Do they wear them all? I wonder if they realize how lucky they are to have all those shoes. There are people in this world that don't have ONE pair. I have a lot of shoes. I can't believe I think I need more.
Please note, those thought started when I saw the garage and ended once I passed the garage. However, this whole thought process has stuck with me (I think the book fair was October 6). I can't get it out of my head. I even have a "post-it" on my phone that says "Shoe garage" so I can write more notes about my thoughts on it. I'm not sure why I would do that or what use it would be for. But I am compelled to keep it there.
This garage got me thinking about what I read on Facebook, what I hear every day from friends/family/co-worker, strangers, and even myself sometimes. A lot of complaining about what we DON'T have. There is very little talk about what we do have and what we can and should be thankful for.
When I'm having a terrible, no good, awful day. I go through my head and list off all the things I am thankful for. This list can even include having all my fingers, toes, sense of smell, vision, the ability to see color.... It helps me put things into perspective. I have even gone so far as to remind myself, I could be someone who was in a major natural disaster, even closer to 9/11 than I actually was, or in the middle of war.
I have so many things I didn't have before and many things people around me do not have.
I have a bed to sleep on. Once, when I was real little, I slept on plastic black garbage bags (the ones with the yellow ties) filled with clothes.
I have a shower to get into everyday.
I have several outfits to choose from--even if I am having a "fat" day.
I have friends and family who stick by me through anything.
I have an amazing girlfriend and son who I get to spend time with every single day.
I have people to cook for.
I have amazing co-workers who strive every day to make a difference--even with aspects that are less than thrilling.
I have hope that surrounds me, every single day.
I have the ability to live my life as an openly gay woman and not have to worry (although, sometimes I do depending on where I am--but not like it used to be for some and not like it is in some countries).
This is such a short list.
I forgot the one that got me to write this blog. I have shoes. Two over the door hanger shoe racks that hold 14 each and an blue IKEA bag FULL of others.
I am thankful. Even when I look or feel like there is nothing to be thankful for. I know I just have to look around me and my half empty glass will be half full.
What's your glass?
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Diet. Yup, Just Me and the Word DIET.
I have so many different things I want to write about and I never seem to make it to my blog. I guess it would be lack of making this a priority. Between everyday life, couponing, putting a new quilt together, this diet I'm on and the very easy task of co-parenting *insert sarcasm* my world is pretty full.
So, I said the word: DIET. Yup, me. The eye roller of all diet programs. Although I realize they work for most people in the moment, I still roll my eyes, cause of longevity... but read further and you will learn more:
I am NOT a big diet fan. I think that diets work, but they fail to teach anyone anything. If a diet isn't a lifestyle change and/or helping you learn something then it is not worth the time or the effort (and in many cases the money).
What do I know about my body? I know that if I removed soda pop [I used both for amusement of both east and west coast friends], fast food and most carbs from my diet--I will lose weight very quickly. This increases with an hour to two hour work out 4 days a week. What I also know about my body is that my brain [connected to my body, at least I hope it is] loves those things very much and unless someone tells me: "These are the ONLY things you can eat". Boom. List of recipes. Then my body says "EAT ALL YOU WANT OF EVERYTHING MUWAHAHAHAHAHA" and the weak side of me does. I often came up with excuses such as:
The diet--in a very, um, non professional official way: In a nutshell, you take drops 3 times a day that have a special formula. The drops help teach your body to eat reserved fats [the documentation goes into detail about types of fat and blah blah blah technical stuff I shall not bore you with here]. On the first two days of the drops, you pretty much over eat. Eating everything and anything that comes your way and as fatty of foods as possible. Then on day 3 you move to a VLC (Very Low Calorie diet) of just 500 calories. FIVE HUNDRED CALORIES!? Yeah, you heard me. 500 calories. You continue on this diet for a 2 week or 4 week cycle (it actually goes by days but for the purpose of this blog, ya all get weeks) when it is "over". Now, for 3 more weeks you slowly add new foods into your diet. You continue to weigh yourself everyday [yes, yes. Everyday I weigh myself] to ensure you are within 2 lbs of the end weight. If you gain more while adding into your diet, then your body can't process a food you ate well. This allows you to learn what your body does and does not process well.
The concerns:
PS: I also have been told that I must eat along the IBS diet--this really works and I haven't had any stomach pains at all. That's right, none. No fetal position or stars to be seen. Just normal me, and my body in blissful weight loss.
As such, I declare myself: A Loser [of weight]
So, I said the word: DIET. Yup, me. The eye roller of all diet programs. Although I realize they work for most people in the moment, I still roll my eyes, cause of longevity... but read further and you will learn more:
I am NOT a big diet fan. I think that diets work, but they fail to teach anyone anything. If a diet isn't a lifestyle change and/or helping you learn something then it is not worth the time or the effort (and in many cases the money).
What do I know about my body? I know that if I removed soda pop [I used both for amusement of both east and west coast friends], fast food and most carbs from my diet--I will lose weight very quickly. This increases with an hour to two hour work out 4 days a week. What I also know about my body is that my brain [connected to my body, at least I hope it is] loves those things very much and unless someone tells me: "These are the ONLY things you can eat". Boom. List of recipes. Then my body says "EAT ALL YOU WANT OF EVERYTHING MUWAHAHAHAHAHA" and the weak side of me does. I often came up with excuses such as:
- that I didn't have time, or
- I don't know what to cook so why should I or
- [for a long time] cooking was too much of a hassle for one person.
The diet--in a very, um, non professional official way: In a nutshell, you take drops 3 times a day that have a special formula. The drops help teach your body to eat reserved fats [the documentation goes into detail about types of fat and blah blah blah technical stuff I shall not bore you with here]. On the first two days of the drops, you pretty much over eat. Eating everything and anything that comes your way and as fatty of foods as possible. Then on day 3 you move to a VLC (Very Low Calorie diet) of just 500 calories. FIVE HUNDRED CALORIES!? Yeah, you heard me. 500 calories. You continue on this diet for a 2 week or 4 week cycle (it actually goes by days but for the purpose of this blog, ya all get weeks) when it is "over". Now, for 3 more weeks you slowly add new foods into your diet. You continue to weigh yourself everyday [yes, yes. Everyday I weigh myself] to ensure you are within 2 lbs of the end weight. If you gain more while adding into your diet, then your body can't process a food you ate well. This allows you to learn what your body does and does not process well.
The concerns:
- You will be cranky
- It isn't enough calories
- You will be tired
- You aren't getting enough foods
- This isn't a "lifestyle change" it's just a quick fix
- I haven't been cranky due to the diet (due to stress yes and I apologize)
- I almost never feel hungry, and when I do it's cause I haven't had enough fluids
- I'm not tired, I was the first 2 500 calorie days but I'm pretty sure I was sick
- It is a lifestyle change. At least for me. I'm able to really look at portion sizes now, I look at sugars in a different way AND even though I can't have it, I've been cooking real meals for my little family so they aren't eating on the boxed food diet on non cooking meal days. I have begun to drink more water and even green tea [as of tonight]. These are HUGE changes for my life. To know I can drive by Taco Bell and not eat there because I can cook something or I'll be home soon, is AMAZING. Also, knowing that making my lunch for work just takes a few extra minutes, and if I plan ahead, no extra time at all. These are big changes for my life. So yes, this is a lifestyle change.
PS: I also have been told that I must eat along the IBS diet--this really works and I haven't had any stomach pains at all. That's right, none. No fetal position or stars to be seen. Just normal me, and my body in blissful weight loss.
As such, I declare myself: A Loser [of weight]
Saturday, September 24, 2011
A Book.
How does a person begin the process of writing a book. Do they sit down and just write? Do they brainstorm? Do they write mini stories and tell character plots then review other later, deciding what pieces go together?
I imagine doing well with spelling and grammar is a great start. I know I have a good story, one people would read. But I am at a loss on where to start.
Maybe I should just start writing and see what happens? Now....to write by hand or by keyboard?
I imagine doing well with spelling and grammar is a great start. I know I have a good story, one people would read. But I am at a loss on where to start.
Maybe I should just start writing and see what happens? Now....to write by hand or by keyboard?
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Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Ramblings
I have a lot I want to talk about here. I want to talk about change (again), Facebook, being a parent (but not any parent--a "step parent" or a "co-parent", being gay, life priorities, why Portland is awesome, languages of love, love in itself, work, being a adult, the deep want of writing a book, books in general, quilting, and couponing.
I find it hard to write in the blog. Mostly because my name is attached to it and I'm afraid that if I say something--someone I know might become offended. I read this book once [I actually read books all the time] and it was about a girl who wrote a blog and it was completely anonymous. The great thing about it was that she never gave enough information for the people around her to know who it was but still was able to write about the going ons of her life. I wonder if I could pull this off.
Sometimes I feel like I have so much goind on in my head, I just might explode. I just need to explode all over paper--or a blog!
I find it hard to write in the blog. Mostly because my name is attached to it and I'm afraid that if I say something--someone I know might become offended. I read this book once [I actually read books all the time] and it was about a girl who wrote a blog and it was completely anonymous. The great thing about it was that she never gave enough information for the people around her to know who it was but still was able to write about the going ons of her life. I wonder if I could pull this off.
Sometimes I feel like I have so much goind on in my head, I just might explode. I just need to explode all over paper--or a blog!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Withholding
I often think to myself how wonderful it is to have people in my life. Or, really, how much I admire and appreciate so many people on Facebook. I want to tell these people. I want to tell a select group of people how much I enjoy following them on Facebook, how much I admire what they are doing, how they are rasing their kids, their outlook on life, or even how they stand by their faith. Although I am compelled to do this, I don't. I don't because I don't want to deal with the people who are going to tantrum because I didn't mention them. Or becuase they are going to feel insulted I didn't mention them, thank them, or praise them in some way.
I tend to be a very honest person. If someone were to ask me why I didn't mention them, I would tell them. No sugar coating or anything. And this, makes me feel badly sometimes.
I think I feel more guily and bad that I'm not telling people how much respect, admiration or proud feelings I have for them just because others can't handle it.
Oddly, I struggle with this everyday. So my fellow followers, don't be suprised if someday soon, you find a post of people I admire and reasons behind it. If I don't have you on there, I either forgot or you just didn't make the list. I promise I'm not trying to insult anyone. It just is... what it is.
I tend to be a very honest person. If someone were to ask me why I didn't mention them, I would tell them. No sugar coating or anything. And this, makes me feel badly sometimes.
I think I feel more guily and bad that I'm not telling people how much respect, admiration or proud feelings I have for them just because others can't handle it.
Oddly, I struggle with this everyday. So my fellow followers, don't be suprised if someday soon, you find a post of people I admire and reasons behind it. If I don't have you on there, I either forgot or you just didn't make the list. I promise I'm not trying to insult anyone. It just is... what it is.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I am Blessed
I am blessed.
He said "I. Am. Blessed."
I am blessed with all the things I went through before I was 12. The survivor of the 3rd worse case in child abuse in California at that time. BLESSED! he said. Why? Because he learned from it. Simple.
I have an extensive abuse history myself. I do not claim to be anywhere near Dave Pelzer's experience. But extensive regardless. I tell my story to people and when they say 'I'm sorry' I almost always follow it with 'Don't be, I'm glad it happend. If it happened any other way--I wouldn't be who I am or doing what I do'.
When Dave said 'I am blessed.' I cried.
I have never met another person who stated they were blessed or even okay with the posion that has found its way into their life. I thought to myself: I'm not the only one.
I am blessed.
I AM BLESSED.
I could repeat that 1000 times. Another person understands that all the hurt and pain isn't about being a victim. It's about being a survivor and about believing you are blessed.
If there was a two things I would want to share with every abuse survivor out there, they would be: you are a survivor and you are blessed.
If I could find a way to get through to every survivor I'm have contact with to encourage them to take what was inside of them that helped them survivor the horrors that was in their lives and apply that to the rest of their life--be better, be stronger, be more. Believe you are blessed. And show that in your everyday life. I think big things would happen.
I am blessed.
I am better.
I am stronger.
I am more.
You are blessed.
You are better.
You are stronger.
You are more.
Believe it.
He said "I. Am. Blessed."
I am blessed with all the things I went through before I was 12. The survivor of the 3rd worse case in child abuse in California at that time. BLESSED! he said. Why? Because he learned from it. Simple.
I have an extensive abuse history myself. I do not claim to be anywhere near Dave Pelzer's experience. But extensive regardless. I tell my story to people and when they say 'I'm sorry' I almost always follow it with 'Don't be, I'm glad it happend. If it happened any other way--I wouldn't be who I am or doing what I do'.
When Dave said 'I am blessed.' I cried.
I have never met another person who stated they were blessed or even okay with the posion that has found its way into their life. I thought to myself: I'm not the only one.
I am blessed.
I AM BLESSED.
I could repeat that 1000 times. Another person understands that all the hurt and pain isn't about being a victim. It's about being a survivor and about believing you are blessed.
If there was a two things I would want to share with every abuse survivor out there, they would be: you are a survivor and you are blessed.
If I could find a way to get through to every survivor I'm have contact with to encourage them to take what was inside of them that helped them survivor the horrors that was in their lives and apply that to the rest of their life--be better, be stronger, be more. Believe you are blessed. And show that in your everyday life. I think big things would happen.
I am blessed.
I am better.
I am stronger.
I am more.
You are blessed.
You are better.
You are stronger.
You are more.
Believe it.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Motivation
I have no motivation.
None to write in the blog.
None to go to the gym.
None to say no when I want to eat extra food.
None to say "don't spend that extra 20.00 save it!".
I WANT to save money. I WANT to be fit. I WANT to lose weight. I WANT to run 5k's with ease.
But I have no motivation. Where do people find motivation anyways? Where does want become "do" in the world of motivation. And when your train stops at "this is too hard" station; what gives you that nudge to jump onto the train going by?
Right now, I need a nudge. Or a push. Maybe a good 'ol shove. Something to kick me in the rear and says "You want it. GO GET IT". Nothing is out of my reach except for what I allow to be out of my reach.
When does "too hard" become just another excuse. And when is it valid?
I can read every motivational book in the world. I can read every quote book. I can push myself. But it doesn't do anything. The problem with pushing myself, is that I can't push myself past the "don't wanna" stage. No one really can. It takes something more. Something greater. I'm just not sure what that is for me.
What is it for you? What could it be for you? Do you even need it?
None to write in the blog.
None to go to the gym.
None to say no when I want to eat extra food.
None to say "don't spend that extra 20.00 save it!".
I WANT to save money. I WANT to be fit. I WANT to lose weight. I WANT to run 5k's with ease.
But I have no motivation. Where do people find motivation anyways? Where does want become "do" in the world of motivation. And when your train stops at "this is too hard" station; what gives you that nudge to jump onto the train going by?
Right now, I need a nudge. Or a push. Maybe a good 'ol shove. Something to kick me in the rear and says "You want it. GO GET IT". Nothing is out of my reach except for what I allow to be out of my reach.
When does "too hard" become just another excuse. And when is it valid?
I can read every motivational book in the world. I can read every quote book. I can push myself. But it doesn't do anything. The problem with pushing myself, is that I can't push myself past the "don't wanna" stage. No one really can. It takes something more. Something greater. I'm just not sure what that is for me.
What is it for you? What could it be for you? Do you even need it?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Change is in the air
Change is such a hard thing for people. At the same time, everyone wants change. People want to be thinner. To quit smoking. To be more active. To learn a craft. To start hiking. To read more. To spend more time with the family. To be more organized. To be exercise more. To quit drinking. To save money. To get out of debt.
For most people the want isn't strong enough for them to overcome the obstacles people face in regards to change. Results don't happen fast enough so people give up. This is really common in situations of losing weight (working out and dieting). People go to the gym or work out daily but don't see results fast enough so they quit. It obviously wasn't working to begin with right?
People are afraid of the unknown, so it's easier to stay with what they do know. It's easier to stay in abusive relationships because they know what is coming verses leaving the relationship and not knowing what is to come. It is easier to stay in a job you are familiar with because the "what ifs" in a new job are too scary to face. What if you don't like it? What if you don't get along with your supervisor? What if you miss your old job? What if it's too hard?
People take on too much change at once and end up falling into their old habits because they can't keep up with all the changes or stress that may come with the changes. The best examples of this are new years revolutions. People who are going to "work out, eat healthy, quit smoking......" by February they aren't doing any of it because they took on too much.
People are creatures of habit. It takes 12 weeks to make your body and/or mind get used to something new. Before that, it is all actual effort to change your habits. Some changes take more work then others.
Generally people want change but lack the motivation to do the work it takes to change. It takes bravery and the ability to feel uncomfortable until the change becomes comfortable and routine.
It also takes motivation. Finding that motivation is not easy. This challenge is almost as bad as the change. And sometimes, it's even harder because as people get used to change, motivation changes!
So here's to my changes. I can't tell them all here just yet. However, I am doing the following:
1. One 8 oz glass of water for every soda
2. 1 hour of gym time 5 days a week
3. For every negative comment I tell myself, I will say one positive one
4. I will make an effort to let others know, I appreciate them
5. I will create a self-care plan and adjust it as needed
What will you do?
For most people the want isn't strong enough for them to overcome the obstacles people face in regards to change. Results don't happen fast enough so people give up. This is really common in situations of losing weight (working out and dieting). People go to the gym or work out daily but don't see results fast enough so they quit. It obviously wasn't working to begin with right?
People are afraid of the unknown, so it's easier to stay with what they do know. It's easier to stay in abusive relationships because they know what is coming verses leaving the relationship and not knowing what is to come. It is easier to stay in a job you are familiar with because the "what ifs" in a new job are too scary to face. What if you don't like it? What if you don't get along with your supervisor? What if you miss your old job? What if it's too hard?
People take on too much change at once and end up falling into their old habits because they can't keep up with all the changes or stress that may come with the changes. The best examples of this are new years revolutions. People who are going to "work out, eat healthy, quit smoking......" by February they aren't doing any of it because they took on too much.
People are creatures of habit. It takes 12 weeks to make your body and/or mind get used to something new. Before that, it is all actual effort to change your habits. Some changes take more work then others.
Generally people want change but lack the motivation to do the work it takes to change. It takes bravery and the ability to feel uncomfortable until the change becomes comfortable and routine.
It also takes motivation. Finding that motivation is not easy. This challenge is almost as bad as the change. And sometimes, it's even harder because as people get used to change, motivation changes!
So here's to my changes. I can't tell them all here just yet. However, I am doing the following:
1. One 8 oz glass of water for every soda
2. 1 hour of gym time 5 days a week
3. For every negative comment I tell myself, I will say one positive one
4. I will make an effort to let others know, I appreciate them
5. I will create a self-care plan and adjust it as needed
What will you do?
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Rave
I have several friends who are either "in to" or "apart of" the rave scene in some way or another. This could mean that they host the events, are DJs, dancers, or close friends/relatives of the hosts/dj/dancer persons. These relationships I have with these people gives me an "in" to these events. I have never been to one before this past Friday.
Crowds are not my fave. I dislike people I do not know touching me or getting into my space. I find that my space bubble is much bigger than the average person and therefore am bothered by the amount of people who attend these events.
The drug scene.... this is not my style. I don't really care what the "rave family" says about not being on drugs or if they say you can be apart of this lifestyle without the drugs because I have yet to find one single person who ACTUALLY lives and stands by that statement. I have no desire to hinder, stop, or slow down my brains ability to grow. I have way too many other things to do with my life then feel "good" for a short period of time while one to several drugs take over my body. Plus, I enjoy being in control. I'd rather chemicals not have control over me.
Walking to the venue were two of the go-go dancers. I understand that go-go dancers wear little clothing and this is part of their appeal and why they were in fact hired to dance at the event. What I do not understand, is why these dancers would walk down a street in a larger city--in said apperal with nothing covering them. Just a bra, panties and some fishnet stockings. I don't think girls "ask" for anything bad to happen to them, but I do think messages are sent with clothing, body language and verbal language.
I was easily over dressed compared to almost every girl there who apparently decided bras and panties or short shorts were the way to go. I was in jeans, a tank and a zip up hoodie. I also was lacking glow sticks, a light up pacifier, a kermit hat, mohawk and plastic beaded bracelets.
My friends and I stood near the "bar" (an area above the dance floor, made of plywood). I would order PBR and it would take at least 5 minutes before receiving it. I should note, no one else would be at the bar before or after me, and the bartender was not doing anything. Just standing. The bar and/or observer area was for 21 and older folks. Who looked on the younger crowd and well, poked fun at them. Maybe this was mean but I'll tell you. That is some really interesting stuff to observe.
Before I end my rant that is obviously going no where and written very much in a notes taking way.... I should also say that there were two men over 45 who were there. OOOGLING at the young girls. Neither man looked at me twice, but they both creeped me out. And I am one to say, I don't get creeped out easy.
Will I go to a rave again? ya prob. To support my DJ friends and my host friends and for a family event (don't ask) but never just because the urge takes me there.
Crowds are not my fave. I dislike people I do not know touching me or getting into my space. I find that my space bubble is much bigger than the average person and therefore am bothered by the amount of people who attend these events.
The drug scene.... this is not my style. I don't really care what the "rave family" says about not being on drugs or if they say you can be apart of this lifestyle without the drugs because I have yet to find one single person who ACTUALLY lives and stands by that statement. I have no desire to hinder, stop, or slow down my brains ability to grow. I have way too many other things to do with my life then feel "good" for a short period of time while one to several drugs take over my body. Plus, I enjoy being in control. I'd rather chemicals not have control over me.
Walking to the venue were two of the go-go dancers. I understand that go-go dancers wear little clothing and this is part of their appeal and why they were in fact hired to dance at the event. What I do not understand, is why these dancers would walk down a street in a larger city--in said apperal with nothing covering them. Just a bra, panties and some fishnet stockings. I don't think girls "ask" for anything bad to happen to them, but I do think messages are sent with clothing, body language and verbal language.
I was easily over dressed compared to almost every girl there who apparently decided bras and panties or short shorts were the way to go. I was in jeans, a tank and a zip up hoodie. I also was lacking glow sticks, a light up pacifier, a kermit hat, mohawk and plastic beaded bracelets.
My friends and I stood near the "bar" (an area above the dance floor, made of plywood). I would order PBR and it would take at least 5 minutes before receiving it. I should note, no one else would be at the bar before or after me, and the bartender was not doing anything. Just standing. The bar and/or observer area was for 21 and older folks. Who looked on the younger crowd and well, poked fun at them. Maybe this was mean but I'll tell you. That is some really interesting stuff to observe.
Before I end my rant that is obviously going no where and written very much in a notes taking way.... I should also say that there were two men over 45 who were there. OOOGLING at the young girls. Neither man looked at me twice, but they both creeped me out. And I am one to say, I don't get creeped out easy.
Will I go to a rave again? ya prob. To support my DJ friends and my host friends and for a family event (don't ask) but never just because the urge takes me there.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Parenting Techniques Rant
I teach foster parents how to therapeutically work with the youth that are placed in their home. The youth that are placed in these homes have emotional, behavioral and/or mental health issues. The funny thing is, for the most part, what I teach these parents are basic parenting skills. Many parents coming through take notes during my classes and make comments about how they are going to implement the techniques with their own children.
I have friends (and friends of friends) who have difficulties with their kiddos. I sometimes offer to give suggestions and/or teach them skills that will help them manage the behavioral issues they are having with their kids. Most of my personal friends will not accept any advice from me--there are two reasons for this: 1. I don't have children 2. their kids don't have "emotional, behavioral and/or mental health" issue--aka their kids are nothing like the "therapeutic" kids I work with.
Here's the deal. Structure, consistency, limits, natural and logical consequences work for ALL children. Positive parenting is an amazing tool. And getting these tools for free is a great deal (just check out the prices for parenting classes). In no way am I saying that I know all the answers because I don't. But I can actually help change kiddos behaviors and improve parenting skills.
Just like other things... people feel that its the youth who are having the problems and that the adults (themselves) aren't doing anything wrong. I have news both the kids AND the parents have to change their behaviors or it just won't work.
I am open to sharing my knowledge with others. Anyone who asks. I can't post a lot of what I know because some of it is not my training material to post.
I have friends (and friends of friends) who have difficulties with their kiddos. I sometimes offer to give suggestions and/or teach them skills that will help them manage the behavioral issues they are having with their kids. Most of my personal friends will not accept any advice from me--there are two reasons for this: 1. I don't have children 2. their kids don't have "emotional, behavioral and/or mental health" issue--aka their kids are nothing like the "therapeutic" kids I work with.
Here's the deal. Structure, consistency, limits, natural and logical consequences work for ALL children. Positive parenting is an amazing tool. And getting these tools for free is a great deal (just check out the prices for parenting classes). In no way am I saying that I know all the answers because I don't. But I can actually help change kiddos behaviors and improve parenting skills.
Just like other things... people feel that its the youth who are having the problems and that the adults (themselves) aren't doing anything wrong. I have news both the kids AND the parents have to change their behaviors or it just won't work.
I am open to sharing my knowledge with others. Anyone who asks. I can't post a lot of what I know because some of it is not my training material to post.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Weight
I used to be so skinny you could count my ribs, see both hip bones most of the outlining bones in my body. I didn't like the way I looked. I knew I was too skinny. Later I was a good healthy weight. I liked the way I looked and I had a lot of confidence. I still thought I could lose some here and there.... tone up, but I didn't think I was fat and I didn't try to cover up. My junior year of college, I gained at least 60 pounds (and I'm pretty sure, that's being nice). I wore sweat pants and sweatshirts all the time. One day I went to put my jeans on and I got a big surprise. THEY DIDN'T FIT. I was so embarrassed but really was not in a place to make my self healthier. It took a long time but I finally lost 50 lbs. Only I did so in such an unhealthy way. I allowed myself to include someone in my life that created so much anxiety--that I was vomiting every time I put anything into my tummy. It did help me decrease the amount of calories I was consuming everyday when I started eating normally again. I gained all the weight back after I slumped into a big depression. One day I decided that I wanted to fill good again. I began to workout. I went twice a day for 1.5 to 2 hours. I lost 40 lbs! Now I'd like to lose another 30lbs maybe even 40lbs. And I want to run a 5k for the first time. I want to be and feel healthy. It's really hard though because I used to be very fit and I exercise all the time. Comparing what I'm able to do now, with what I could do then--makes me feel helpless. Part of me wants to put pictures of me at my heaviest on the treadmill as I work out but I don't want anyone to see that picture! I am hoping that I can get into the habit of waking up early and going to the gym in the morning and then going again after work.
This is probably going to be something I'm going to write about often. It weighs heavy on my mind/heart and controls my mood frequently. I know others feel this too. Maybe we can all support each other.
This is probably going to be something I'm going to write about often. It weighs heavy on my mind/heart and controls my mood frequently. I know others feel this too. Maybe we can all support each other.
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